In high school,
they don’t teach you
the important things.
You walk across the stage
and are handed a piece of paper
proving that you can survive
four years in hell;
someone makes a speech
telling you how great
the world is,
regurgitating well-rehearsed lies
that not even
But nobody warns you
of the lonely nights ahead
in your new apartment
that is too big for you
and does not feel like home,
or of the way your ribs will crack
and your body will shake
each time someone walks through your door
for the last time.
No one tells you
how quickly bills will pile up,
or how it is now up to you
to pull yourself out of bed
and pretend you are alive.
I can recite the Cell Theory in my sleep.
I dream of math equations that I will never need.
I can quote Walt Whitman like his words were once mine,
but I must’ve skipped over the chapter in my textbook
that tells me how to be alive.
I expect so much of myself I think it’s making me ill. I try my best to offer advice (making it humorous rather than good if it gets too ‘deep’ because I have this chameleon thing where all my friends think I’m goofy…) but I just want to hug my knees, curl up into a ball and cry until my eyes bleed. I just know that my seven year old self would be so disappointed in me and I -could- do well but I’m not… It hurts. A lot.
Today’s mental health reminder: a relapse, a sudden series of attacks, a string of awful days, (or whatever your step back may be) does not decrease your value. Take your time, do some self care, reflect on the progress that you have made. You are strong; one step back is nothing when you look at the journey you have already made.
in a healthy, close relationship of any kind, when something upsets you, you need to bring it up. as soon as possible, even. cultivate an environment in which you both can talk about things that upset you, with the utmost attention to everyone’s feelings. it’s a really simple thing to do but it’s a thing i’ve been working on for a while and i’m getting actual nice things happening as a result
This is really validating. I have a bad habit of withholding things when I’m upset because I assume I am the only person on the planet who would be so sensitive as to be upset by whatever the thing is. I needed this.
“When you find yourself drowning in self-hate, you have to remind yourself that you weren’t born feeling this way. That at some point in your journey, some person or experience sent you the message that there was something wrong with who you are, and you internalized those messages and took them on as your truth. But that hate isn’t yours to carry, and those judgments aren’t about you. And in the same way that you learned to think badly of yourself, you can learn to think new, self-loving and accepting thoughts. You can learn to challenge those beliefs, take away their power, and reclaim your own. It won’t be easy, and it won’t happen over night. But it is possible. And it starts when you decide that there has to be more to life than this pain you feel. It starts when you decide that you deserve to discover it.”—Daniell Koepke (via whenanxietystrikes)
The moment you abuse your children, physically or emotionally, you’re showing them that violence is okay if it gets things done. You’re telling them, no matter how old, that they (the parents) are in control always because children owe their parents. Because parents gave up so much for tiny, bundles of joy that they chose to have.
Look, it doesn’t take a fucking genius to make a kid. But it takes a responsible adult to raise one.
appreciate brown eyes more bc the people with brown eyes are grown up forcing to believe fuckin blue and green and grey are beautiful and either detest or get incredibly happy when someone compliments their eye color stop letting this happen
Do you ever stare at someone staring at someone else, and they don't notice you're staring? So it makes me wonder if another sneaky INFJ is staring at me stare at another person, who is also staring at another person...
Watching people watch other people is probably the best way to watch people. WATCHCEPTION. I love looking at who is interested in who, how couples look at each other, how enemies look at each other, and best of all how other people watchers look at people. If I find someone watching someone else it’s like the jackpot. Or when I’m watching someone watch me in a ‘trying to figure you out’ kind of way from the corner of my eye. That’s always exciting. Or nerve racking. Depending on how cute they are.
thanks2banks said: Sounds like you are stuck in a Ni-Ti loop like me. thebookishginger said: Wish I could offer some form of support other than a seemingly insincere “i feel you bro” kind of sentiment. As an infj myself I identify with your feelings, and I wish you the best of luck finding that headspace that I’ve been looking for as well. x
thanks for responding, both of you, and sorry it’s taken me so long to reply!
bookishginger, I appreciate your support! I hope you get there too. <3
banks, I feel like I’ve been in the Ni-Ti loop for years, honestly. I have been really realizing that lately and your posts identifying this loop have been really helpful.
“I just don’t see how non-white characters would fit into my book. All the characters in my head are white.”
I see this excuse as a crisis of imagination. Particularly if you’re writing SF, often set in a future when anything can change. When everything can be different than it is now. We’ve already seen our first black president. We’ve seen women in ever more powerful roles. Gays and lesbians are coming out in nearly every corner of society, and universal marriage equality is becoming more and more imaginable.
You can’t imagine a black genetic engineer as your main character? An Hispanic lesbian piloting a starship? Then your imagination needs some revamping. You need to start thinking outside the box. Open up your corner of the world to more possibilities.
Karen Sandler discusses Five Wrong-Headed Reasons for Not Writing Diverse Characters in Science Fiction at Rich in Color.
For some reason, we think that poetry is this thing you do on the side, once you get your math done or your science done. Same thing with writing or any of the things we call “the arts” – there’s this idea that they’re just an elective, they’re just decoration, and they have nothing to do with our survival … or why we can stand to be here.
That’s the reason I’ve made it to 53 – because of finding these things that poetry or painting or place contain. That’s the stuff of mental health, and we ignore it at our peril.
this is becoming an INFJ/Myers Briggs blog and I apologize
I am still not *100 %* sure of my type, but I’ve become more sure, and I feel that I understand myself more and more as I study the functions and read about the experiences of INFJs
and it’s also been frightening to realize how much of my personality has been crushed, squashed, repressed in favor of functions and situations that don’t suit me whatsoever
I don’t do well in situations where there is no deeper meaning to be obtained. I don’t do well when I have to treat people like cattle and rush through interactions with no real connection (welcome to customer service!) I don’t do well when there are constant demands for and drains on my empathy with no respect for me as a person who is not just an empathy/friendship/listening/advice/reassurance slot machine. I hate maintaining systems; I want to improve them. I hate maintaining a status quo; I thrive on upward growth and genuine change. I hate just having to Do Things without considering meaning or impact. I hate a daily grind in which my eyes have to be turned away from the stars and toward mundane repetitive activities. These things all feel like an empty shell to me. I work at a swimming pool and my interactions with others are constantly confrontational and unpleasant, with people just being nasty to each other with no real understanding of who we all are as human beings and how we might be alike or might get along in a circumstance where the most important part of the interaction isn’t them breaking a rule and me having to enforce it. These interactions are flat, not dynamic. People leave angry and offended and there is no closure or exchange of humanness. That kind of thing drives me nuts.
This last year I have invested virtually no time in my writing or music or other artistic pursuits. It has all been working jobs that exhaust me, those jobs ending, going through the ridiculously depressing and soul-killing process of searching for a job, worrying about money, worrying over the logistics of my living situation, trying to maintain my medications and mental health enough to even be halfway capable of doing any of the above things. My intuitive and feeling sides have gone to unhealthy places of constantly worrying and predicting and interpreting, being drained by other people and their needs and emotions. Extraverted sensing has exploded into a weird Freudian mix of hatred of physical touch and physical items but also levels of cartoonish greed and materialism and wanting nice things all the time and being unhappy that I can’t afford them. I am unable to look the way I want or do anything remotely interesting with my clothes or hair, and while that didn’t used to get to me all that much, it’s extremely agitating these days. I think this is because all this last year has just been Doing What I Have to Do and sucking it up and figuring out logistics, and in all of the constancy of that I’ve had no space to express myself in any way. I haven’t felt pretty or exciting in months, and that’s done a number on my relationship with my partner and my ability to accept his love and admiration. His expressions of love and attraction feel empty because all I can think is “you’re wrong.” I beat myself up thinking he deserves to be with exciting shiny new girls and feel like an infinite inward spiral of feelings of inadequacy. I feel old. I feel like a middle aged wife who is losing her figure and that any other girl we encounter is the hot young thing who will end up being the centerpiece of his midlife crisis. I’m 21 and I’m worried about midlife crises. I feel ugly and worn out and stretched thin. I don’t know how to feel beautiful or create anything of beauty and the mundaneness and grayness and brittleness of life right now drags my heart down. I’ve been running on virtually nonstop stress for over a year now.
I guess my point in all this is realizing I’m an INFJ has also made me realize how much I haven’t been allowed to be an INFJ. I have no outlet of expression for my INFJness. I feel like I’ve been forced into the role of an ISTJ. My boyfriend is an ENFP and I’ve compensated for his weaknesses in a lot of our difficult times. I’ve become his opposite. But I’m not his opposite, and it’s not my job to be his opposite (yes, I am talking to you, Extraverted Feeling). We are more alike than different, really. We are both creative, deeply feeling, and love discussing ideas and concepts. We both love watching movies or shows or reading books and then discussing them for hours. We complement each other, but for a long time I’ve felt like I have to just fill in the gaps of whatever he is not in order to keep our fragile situation from crumbling. I feel like I’ve lost my personality. I feel like I’ve become a strained, forced shadow with no life of its own.
I need to re-become an INFJ. I need to buy an inexpensive piano bench so I can set up my keyboard and start practicing music again (the keyboard I have was a donation, and it’s not super nice but I’m lucky to have an instrument at all). I live near a Barnes and Noble, and I need to go there and just hang out. I need to set up my desktop computer so I can write more regularly. I know there are ways to feel peaceful and happy that don’t involve spending a fortune. I can’t keep using the excuse of “no money” to stay in this miserable headspace.
And no matter how weird and self absorbed and exposed it makes me feel, I think I need to make more posts like this. I need to get my thoughts out of my head and into the world.
“Ni is a decidedly left-brain orientation. It doesn’t lead you to flow with anything or even participate. It leads you to stop, get “into your head”, and even act in ways that go against the spirit of a system, or to think about ways that going with the spirit of rules can lead to unexpected and undesired results.”—Lenore Thomson (via intj-paradigm)
Envisioning a more ideal world isn’t necessarily bad or unhealthy for INFJs. The fact is that they wouldn’t be INFJs if they didn’t routinely receive new impressions and visions. The issue is not with their dreaming per se, but with the degree to which they become attached to or insistent on the…